a sower went out to sow

I don't even know how to start...

I've been doing some voluntary outreach ministry with at risk youth and over the last month I've been working with one youth who self-injures (there are lots of details I cannot disclose, suffice it to say that there are so many issues in play here that I am only one part of the puzzle's attempted solution.) I'll call her "Sue."

Last week she had a break down, I got a phone call on our scheduled meeting day saying that she had a huge fight with her mom (which may or may not have gotten physical, I don't know) and that her mom was sending her back to hospital. (which is both good and bad for this particular youth, she needs medication and her parents, for whatever reason, are denying it to her...like I said, lots of issues).

I traded texts with her for quite a while that night and the next morning I get a phone call from her mom telling me that she was calling because Sue wanted her to call me. Mom told me what hospital she was in and that I'd be added to the list of "approved visitors." That was Friday.

today is Tuesday and I'm still not on the list. The only contact I have with the mother is through Sue's cell phone and I'm not getting any response.

So I've been sending notes for the past two days to the hospital, to at least let Sue know that I'm thinking about her and haven't forgotten her.

It's frustrating. This is the point of the whole note. I'm frustrated. I spent part of my Sabbath talking to this girl's mother, specifically asking if she was okay with me going to see Sue--if I had been told no, I would have accepted that, not happily, but at least I would have known how mom felt. But I wasn't told no I was told yes and that I'd be added to the list and now my hands are tied. The hospital won't even let me talk to Sue on the phone; won't call Mom on my behalf. I'm frustrated. I want to say something in my notes to Sue, but I'm afraid of being a source of anxiety or distress when what she really needs is healing.

So please, pray for "Sue" for me. Pray for the family and pray that I can find peace in all of this, and that ultimately God's will be done--even if it means I'm stuck in the distance with no idea at all of what's going on. (sometimes being trusted with sowing seeds and not knowing how they sprout is the hardest thing of all...)