loss for words

words cannot express the last few weeks...

but you know I have to try...

much of what I have been dreaming has practically been placed right in front of me...

I've said it myself and I heard something very similar to it said it in a sermon podcast today--being open to the Holy Spirit, asking God to be revealed to you, can be a terrifying thing..."if a part of you isn't about to pee in your pants when you encounter God, something's wrong" (mercy street podcast, 8/4/07)

a building, a big huge building, smack downtown offered up for ministry by someone needing partners in the ministry--not asking for money, not asking for us to pay rent, not asking for anything except people who care about kids and the arts...well that and a little bit of sweat equity...

then we heard about the old library that the city wants to tear down, and we've mobilized to save it so we can put a performing and visual and other creative arts school in it for the kids in the community who can't afford to pay for it...and if I've ever looked a God-sized dream in the face, this is it...lots n lots n lots n lots (ad infinitum, ad nauseum, ad infinitum, etc, etc, etc) of work...

and then, today, I was talking to this young man who hangs out and works in the building, who said to me, "I don't know if you're religious or not, but I'm a God-fearing person, and I trust you and your 'old lady' and I hate to burden you with this but would you offer up some words for my pain?" and then he spoke about the shame he feels for treating his chronic pain with alcohol because "I don't have insurance, and I hate it, but I can't walk around crying all the time, so I drink...but I got Jesus in my heart, so I know I can make it one more day"

and it all feels "home"--know what I mean? It feels more "home" than committee meetings and administrative duties and congregational carry-ins with more food than 100 over-weight people could possibly eat and that the hungry can't get to...

I've heard the desert call my name...and this desert is the city...buildings that look like they belong in a war zone...people living in shell-shock...and yet I see the Reign of God glimmering on the edges...and I feel home...

so here we are...on the cusp of the whirlwind, on the edge of the cliff...and all I said was, "Father, reveal yourself."

dangerous words...and I think I might need to change my shorts...

pacem,
the pilgrimm